


angels in their last testimony

by MiniNephthys



Category: End Roll (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Hallucinations, Hospitalization, Paralysis, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 02:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8232592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniNephthys/pseuds/MiniNephthys
Summary: Having 'died' in the dream, Russell deals with the after-effects.





	

Not everyone who dies in the dream dies of shock from waking up so suddenly. Most do, but not all. Some simply go mad, or lose control of some of their limbs, or other unpleasant effects.

“The fact that you didn’t just die is incredibly fortunate,” Walter says. He’s sitting at a table across from Russell. “The rehabilitation program was deemed a success for you, despite what happened. So all in all it could be worse.”

Russell gives him a flat look. The one thing he’s grateful for in this scenario is that he has enough control of his body left to do that. “Dying would have been easier.”

“It would have,” Walter says. “I can’t argue that. But you’ve survived worse than this, haven’t you?”

Then was different from now. Russell didn’t have to feel anything in his heart, so of course he could get through everything that happened to him.

Now he can’t feel anything outside of it, and all the pain is concentrated somewhere he can’t see.

* * *

The doctors think the paralysis is probably temporary. In the best case scenario, it might be only a few months before Russell can move his limbs again.

Russell should feel hopeful about that. But he doesn’t.

He gets wheeled outside once a day. Sunlight is good for recovering patients, just like it’s good for everybody. Almost every living creature needs sunlight to live, Tabasa says, except some of the weird ones at the bottom of the sea.

Russell’s gaze flickers to Tabasa. He’s feeding the pigeons - they’re eating bits of food out of his bloody hand. Red smears all over their beaks.

Russell looks away, his heart lurching. Then he looks back, and Tabasa’s gone.

* * *

Russell asks if he can be allowed to call a friend. It’s awkward using a phone without being able to at least move your shoulder, and he needs assistance.

That’s fine. He doesn’t have any secrets left from these people anyway.

“Hello?” Chris says.

He sounds the same as always. “Hi. It’s Russell.”

“Russell-? Man, are you okay?” Chris asks. “I heard about… uh, some of the stuff that happened…” His voice that had been full of concern falters into something a little more nervous.

The stuff Russell did, more like.

Let me talk to him, Gardenia says, peeking around the assistant’s side. I wanna talk to him! You said he likes me, right? And you’re friends, so you wouldn’t do anything like-

Russell nearly drops the phone, and the assistant has to help him get it to his ear again. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry...”

“H-hey, you don’t have to apologize to me.” Chris tries to sound reassuring. It doesn’t really work. “So… what’s going on with you now?”

* * *

Hospital food is the worst, when he graduates to that and not to IVs. He wishes he could go back to having all his nutrients supplied by a drug while he slept. He wishes he could go back to that drug anyway.

Cody pushes some mush around on her fork. What even is this? she asks, with clear annoyance. Do they think you can’t chew or something?

Russell nearly chokes on his mush, causing the alarm of both his ever-present assistant and Cody..

H-hey, are you okay? Cody reaches out for his shoulder, but of course, he can’t feel her touch.

That doesn’t help any.

* * *

They offered to wheel him to the hospital’s religious services once a week, if Russell so chose. He declined.

He knows when they have those services, but not where they’re held. No matter where he is in the hospital, when that time rolls around, he hears Dogma’s voice rise in prayer.

God, Goddess, please grant mercy to those who have strayed from the righteous path, he says, and Russell remembers that Kantera called his voice ‘soothing’ once. Show Your love and understanding to those who were never given the same blessings as the rest of Your children...

Russell’s stomach turns.

* * *

Russell’s range of motion returns gradually. His wrists and hands are the first to respond to him again, and his physical therapists have him do exercises with them to make sure he gains full control of them.

‘Tis quite boring doing the same exercises each day, is it not? Kantera asks, sitting next to him.

Russell would nod if he could. Instead he just closes his eyes.

Aha, I thought so. But it is for the sake of your health. Suffer a little now so that you can put this part of your life behind you, and be happy again.

He doesn’t think that’s possible. That Kantera is the one saying it makes things worse.

* * *

He falls a lot when he tries to walk again. That’s normal, apparently. He’s supported by the nurse’s aides and the floor isn’t very hard, so he never harms himself too badly.

Does it hurt? Mireille asks, wringing her hands. Y-you poor thing… I’ll go get something for you. Please wait just a second.

When she disappears, Russell knows it’s not to bring him a cold compress. She won’t reappear for the rest of the day, at least.

There’s no reason to be disappointed in just an illusion. It’s not as if hallucinations can lie to him like everyone else.

* * *

Eventually, his range of motion is full enough that they start talking about releasing him from the hospital to the outside world. He knew they would, eventually, but that leaves the trouble of where he’s going to go. His aunt, probably - she’s his closest living relative and the one who agreed to put him through the Happy Dream program for the money.

Don’t you make a face like that, Yumi says, smiling. No matter where you get off to, we’ll be here for you, y’hear?

Russell looks away. It doesn’t keep him from hearing her voice, cheerful as ever.

She’s not wrong, in a way.

* * *

Walter visits again just before he’s released. “How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Physically fine,” Russell says. “Like I did before the dream.”

“I told you you would recover,” Walter says, satisfied for a moment before his smile drops. “And the hallucinations?”

Russell shakes his head. “Same.”

“...Those may stay with you for the rest of your life, if you haven’t had any changes by now,” Walter replies slowly, like breaking news delicately is the last thing he’s ever wanted to do with his life. “There isn’t anything that can be done there.”

“It’s okay,” Russell says. He doesn’t smile, but he comes as close as he can. “It’s like they’re still alive, that way.”


End file.
